Mothers

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's alright honey, Mommy's here."

Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes. And for the mothers who lost their baby in that precious 9 months that they will never get to watch grow on earth but one day will be reunited with in Heaven!

This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.

And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see me, Mom?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand) mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat. For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time."

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them.

This is for all the step-mothers who raised another woman's child or children, and gave their time, attention, and love... sometimes totally unappreciated!

For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14-year-olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting.

For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Or is it in her heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time? The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby? The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home? Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation... And mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money, mothers without.

This is for you all.

For all of us.

Hang in there.

In the end we can only do the best we can.

Tell them every day that we love them.

And pray.

Please pass along to all the Moms in your life.

"Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall."

(original post author unknown)


http://scarletknits.etsy.com

Perfect Housewives?

As I was working late on the final project of the semester, I flicked on BBC America to listen to some prime British comedy. After a while the programs I originally tuned in for were over and I was too absorbed in my work to change the channel, so I let whatever came on next run in the background. I didn't expect to find Perfect Housewives. Three guesses on what I thought of that. If no one guesses (by leaving a comment), I'll post my complete and uncensored thoughts after my finals are over on Tuesday.

http://scarletknits.etsy.com

Day Five

Unknown (still dark out) hour: Awakened by DH who asks where Lamb's diapers are. Reply "where all the diapers are" hear DH huff about that being a stupid idea. Consider telling him which orifice he can remove his head from and what he can shove up there in its place. Go back to sleep.

6:30am Awakened by DH to say goodbye. Verify locations of Lamb's bottles. Verify Lamb's location in bouncy chair. Kiss DH goodbye. Doze.

7:30am Lamb is awake and hungry. Bring Lamb to bed. Feed Lamb. Lamb falls asleep. Doze with Lamb.

8:30am Lamb is awake again. Move to chair, start feeding Lamb, flip on TV. Realize contacts are not in yet. Watch History Channel show about the Disney theme parks anyway.

9:00am Lamb is finished eating. Put Lamb down. Hurriedly take care of morning grooming. Put on size eight shorts without compromising breathing or laying down on my back. Rejoice. Call Frog and Duck to table. Serve breakfast. Start coffee. Rummage for own breakfast. Restart dryer to re-warm dress clothes left in the night before.

9:30am Abandon breakfast quest. Take out foam block for maquette and consider various approaches before cutting. Lamb calls for attention. Leave block. Change Lamb's diaper and clothes. Frog decides to spend a little time with Lamb. Contemplate calling Nana to see if she's still interested in picking up Frog and Duck.

10:00am Check dryer. Start removing and hanging dress clothes. Put load of Frog and Duck's clothes in washer.

10:30am Call Nana about plans with Frog and Duck. Nana decides to pick Frog and Duck up for a Chuck E. Cheese adventure in about an hour. Locate Chuck E. Cheese coupons, socks and shoes. Distribute diaper changes. Pack diaper bag. Distribute socks and shoes.

11:00am Lamb wakes and is hungry. Make Lamb's bottle, realize this is the last of the formula. Entertain Frog and Duck with Noggin, feed Lamb, wait for Nana.

11:30am Nana arrives to pick up Frog and Duck. Gather grocery list and coupons for grocery trip. Frog and Duck give hugs and kisses, ride off with Nana for lunch and to play with friends at Chuck E. Cheese. Look up quiche recipes to use up eggs for supper and breakfast.

12:00pm Leave for grocery store. Realize hunger. Look for suitable lunch options that don't turn stomach with the thought of grease. Find none. Use Maya Wrap to kangaroo carry Lamb at the store. Lamb suitably charms everyone in store with coos and smiles.

1:30pm Arrive home. Unload and put away groceries. Check mail. Find letter from sheriff's office about parish property taxes. Wonder what's up with that. Begin sorting and folding clothes from dryer. Lamb wakes and is hungry. Feed Lamb while watching Knitty Gritty.

2:00pm Frog and Duck return home. Duck hasn't slept long enough and is very vocally cranky. Ask Nana about tax letter. Dig out closing documents, find no answers. Call tax office. Find out that line in closing statement that looks like parish taxes were paid at closing is actually where the builder's tax liability was deducted from the selling price, making us responsible for the entire tax amount of 2006 despite the fact that we only owned the property for one month of 2006. Find out that parish is selling off properties with past due taxes on May 2. Scramble to re-arrange budget and pay taxes to keep house. Freak out for a few minutes.

3:00pm Begin sorting through letters, mail and other assorted crap on desk. Get headache. Keep sorting. Wonder how the mortgage lender can not know that we do indeed have homeowner's insurance when it was required for closing. Talk to really nice lady in insurance department. Get insurance straightened out.

3:30pm Take break, knit another cable repeat on Aran Braided Socks.

4:00pm Notice Diva's home. Remember to talk to her about what time to go see the movie tonight. Get excited over Grindhouse all over again. Put on "Welcome to the Grindhouse" to listen to while finishing clothes and desk.

4:30pm Discover DH has been reading drafts before they're posted to blog. Also discover that DH has been talking to old classmates on Efnet. Investigate said classmates on Efnet. Wonder what kind of stories they're filling DH's head with despite fact that DH already knows I was (and still am) no angel in high school.

5:00pm Start supper. Settle on turkey and swiss quiche to use up huge supply of eggs. Quiche is more swiss than anything else. Hope for the best. Feed Lamb.

6:00pm Open Abita Strawberry Harvest Lager with Diva. Quiche is finished. Call it a day, publish blog.

Day Four

6:30am DH awakens, says that Lamb is awake but happy where he is. Kiss DH goodbye, doze a bit.

7:30am Lamb demands food. Mix bottle, feed Lamb. Lamb eats quickly, falls asleep. Put Lamb down, lay awake listening to Frog and Duck play. Consider paint choices for master bedroom and bath. Contemplate cocoa brownish for bedroom, value three celadon green for bathroom.

8:00am Referee fight between Frog and Duck over toys. Debate breakfast choices. Settle on cereal... again. Sneak peek at today's blog feeds. Note that favorite blog has not updated yet today. Grind beans for yummy Boca Java coffee. Sneak peek at co.comment. Get engrossed, forget about breakfast.

9:00am Lamb is hungry. Feed Lamb, remember breakfast. Watch History Channel show about Ammonium Nitrate explosions in Texas City, Texas in 1947. Lamb takes his time eating.

9:45am Lamb finally finishes eating. Put Lamb on bed to play, insert contact lenses, conduct morning grooming. Listen to Frog call out "mine". Check on Frog and Duck. Referee another toy battle.

10:00am Remember and serve breakfast. Forget coffee pot. Sit down to start writing checks for this payday's round of bills. Lamb becomes quite cross with mommy's diverted attention, becomes vocal. Snuggle Lamb into Maya Wrap. Lamb contentedly coos off to sleep. Wonder how I survived Frog and Duck's infancies without a wrap.

10:30am Duck decides to picnic on the floor beside mommy's chair. Debate sending him back to the table. Wonder what's more important: enforcing where the food is eaten (and chance him becoming upset enough to stop eating), or the fact that all the food is being eaten at its new location. Draw the line when Duck attempts to move picnic to bedroom, move Duck back to table. Prepare cup of coffee, put towels on to wash. Discover enormous mess Duck has made with Frog's cup of milk. Clean mess.

11:00am Remember appointment at two this afternoon. Gather items for appointment, pack preliminary diaper bag. Remember date with Diva to see Grindhouse tonight. IM DH to remind, text Diva to remind. Sneak peek at a few more blogs, including knitters anonymous. Marvel at tee-tiny little socks. Return to sorting clothes. Decide that tomorrow will be devoted to still unworked design project, regardless of the state of the house.

11:30am Move towels to dryer, notice lack of handknit socks, start load of colors. Find favorite t-shirt living at bottom of hamper. Delight in soon having favorite t-shirt back. Remember that Nana has offered to come get Frog and Duck for a Chuck E. Cheese trip tomorrow. Locate Chuck E. Cheese coupons, make mental note to go through coupon booklets from Sunday paper. Freshen coffee. Realize this may be another all-coffee day.

12:00pm Mail runs, drop spindle and roving arrive. Realize bill checks are still not ready to mail. Prepare bill checks, stamp, place in diaper bag to mail after appointment. Rip open package to adore spinning supplies. Spindle is yummy, as is roving. Post wanted ad to Freecycle for a gram scale. Return to clothes, fantasizing about spinning up yummy sock yarn. Serve Frog and Duck lunch, collect wayward crayons.

12:30pm Lamb awakens and feeds. Frog and Duck fill the house with delighted squeals as they run up and down the hallway chasing each other. Watch "Shear Genius" while Lamb eats.

1:00pm Put Lamb in swing, finish packing diaper bag. Add Marc Broussard to mp3 player for listening in car on way to appointment. Take towels from dryer. Transfer colors out of washer. Discover Say Anything's "Wow! I can get sexual too" on Fuse. Become enthralled by any band that would have Henry Winkler lip sync the words "I called her on the phone and she touched herself."

1:30pm Place catch-all bag next to door. Check diapers, change as needed. Distribute socks and shoes. Hope for a smooth journey out into the world. Remember that Frog and Duck are angels in front of other people, saving their worst behavior for closed doors. Be grateful for small favors.

2:00pm Arrive to appointment on time. Duck did not sleep enough in the van and is extremely cranky. Wait.

3:00pm Finally called from waiting room. Duck objects, Lamb demands food. Feed Lamb. Told to wait for more documents to be delivered before leaving. Wait.

4:00pm Still waiting. Duck falls asleep on lap. Moved back to waiting room. Frog and Duck become enthralled in TV, stay mostly quiet.

5:00pm Office begins to close, someone notices we're still waiting. Realize we were forgotten. Documents are hurriedly produced to complete appointment. Load Frog, Duck and Lamb into van.

6:00pm Arrive home. Frog, Duck and Lamb are all asleep in van. DH calls from a short distance down the road. Wait for DH before attempting to unload children. Diva cancels our movie date for study time. Get over disappointment, decide to play with roving and drop spindle tonight. Start looking for supper choices. Settle on leftover roast.

7:00pm Play with drop spindle while watching American Idol on the DVR. Get irritated by breaking yarn, send Duck for bath.

7:30pm Send Frog for bath, continue listening to American Idol Results Show.

8:00pm Frog and Duck are in bed, continue attempting to hand spin, call it a day, publish blog.

Real Moms Adapt

A while back there was a meme going around titled "Real Moms ________". I didn't participate because I thought at the time that all bases had pretty much been covered. Then came The Pissed Off Housewife who reminded me that real moms adapt. Bad things, big and small, happen in life and real moms roll with it.

Leslie Bennetts: The Publisher's Mistake

Ten to one, the publisher who gave the green light on Leslie Bennetts was a man who has no idea what his wife does all day. Leslie Bennetts recently posted to The Huffington Post in their "Fearless Voices" section. A more appropriate title would have been "Clueless Voices".

Everyone knows that authors have to be prepared for negative reviews. What I didn't anticipate was an avalanche of blistering attacks by women who hadn't read my book but couldn't wait to condemn it. Their fury says a great deal about the current debate over women's choices -- all of it alarming.

I haven't read Leslie's book. Why? Because I'm not going to order it and spend money I could've used to buy books for my growing children. When it becomes publicly available at the library, I'll pick it up. Will reading it change my mind? If it's written in the same condescending tone as everything else Leslie's put out about it, definitely not. "Their fury" says more than Leslie apparently understands about the debate over women's choices, and the alarming part is that she doesn't seem to "get" that her tone is offensive. That patronizing prattle of "I know what's best and I'm going to tell you even if you don't want to hear it." We're grown women. We make our own choices, good or bad. We adapt.

...women were being lulled into a dangerous sense of complacency about relinquishing their financial autonomy. Why wasn't anyone telling the truth about how much they were sacrificing -- or what the consequences could be?

Sacrificing what? Money? Honey, if that's what matters to you most in your marriage I heartily suggest you seek the aid of a counselor. What the consequences could be? I spend my day enjoying my children, husband and life. Not obsessing over what could be. Sure, my husband could divorce me or worse. He could be suddenly disabled or unemployed tomorrow. This would be why we purchased life and disability insurances. Also, look up the following words: alimony, child support, community property. Anything could happen. If it does, I'll adapt because I've made loose, flexible, adaptable plans, but what I won't do is spend my time driving myself to an early grave dwelling on the worst case scenario.

I interviewed women all over the country, of every age, socio-economic level and background, but many used the exact same words to ask an angry question: "Why didn't anybody tell me what a mistake this was?"

I'd really like to see the numbers on this one. I mean exact, complete numbers. I want to know the precise population sample used here. I'd also like to see the transcripts that lead to the inference of the word "mistake".

I devoted two chapters to financial information alone.

Again, more focus on money. Is money the only thing that really matters to Leslie Bennetts?

Work confers enormous benefits in addition to a paycheck.

No one ever said that it didn't. If you need to work for the money, or because your kids drive you batshit, or because it makes you happy then go for it! Get this though: some people actually prefer their children to coworkers. Some people are actually *gasp* made happier by not working. Some people are fulfilled without needing to maintain a separate bank account. For the record, IMHO insisting on your own separate financial status in a marriage indicates a serious fissure on the trust front.

And yet millions of women continue to be misled by the fairy-tale version of life, in which Prince Charming comes along and takes care of you forever.

Sign me up for that life! I love my Prince Charming and all that he does for and with us, but let's get real on who is taking care of whom here. Prince Charming brings home the income, true. He also spends time with his children and assists in their care and upbringing. Who turns that income into a comfortable, inviting home? Who turns that income into the food on the table? Who turns that income into a Friday night movie? My Prince Charming is a wonderful loving father, husband and provider, but I'm the one performing magic tricks to turn those provisions into the goods and services that satisfy the wants and needs of Prince Charming and his children.

Naively, I assumed that once women were offered more accurate information, they would be eager to get it. After all, women aren't stupid...

If women aren't stupid, then why does Leslie repeatedly imply that they are? In fact, Leslie states right here that she assumes women don't have "accurate information". Why would Leslie assume that if she didn't believe that other women were too stupid to find accurate information on their own? Besides, you know what "they" say about "assume".

Equally encouraging was the woman who, after being introduced to me at a cocktail party, made a horrible face when the hostess told her about The Feminine Mistake. "I don't think I want to read it," she said, pursing her lips as if she'd just sucked a lemon. "The last thing I need is a whole book telling me why I should feel even more guilty about my life than I already do."

Somehow, Leslie still didn't understand the negative reactions after this encounter. Who knows, there might be some valuable information in this book, but since it is being presented in such a "holier-than-thou" light no one wants to even look at it. Dog crap might hold fantastic nutritional value, but people aren't going to start eating it en masse. Wonder why that could be.

my book is not a polemic; it's a painstakingly reported collection of information and interviews.

Polemic, defined by the American Heritage Dictionary: 1. A controversial argument, especially one refuting or attacking a specific opinion or doctrine. 2. A person engaged in or inclined to controversy, argument, or refutation. I'd say that with all the attention, Leslie's book qualifies as a controversial argument, and it does apparently refute the "Cinderella" doctrine that Leslie seems to believe that women across the country have been brainwashed with. Definitely a polemic. Makes you wonder how Leslie authored a book without a dictionary.

Polemic, synonyms from Roget's New Millennium Thesaurus: argumentation, assertion, case, claim, contention, debate, defense, discussion, exchange, expostulation, grounds, logic, plea, pleading, presentation, proof, questioning, reason, reasoning, remonstrance, remonstration. Guess she doesn't own a thesaurus either.

But you can't tell that to the stay-at-home brigade, who are enraged that I wrote it at all. When Glamour published a brief essay adapted from the book, the magazine was inundated with furious letters denouncing me. "I am so insulted by Leslie Bennetts!" and "I am so offended by Leslie Bennetts!" were typical openers. Of course, these women hadn't read the book either, but they weren't about to let the evidence get in the way of their pre-conceived biases.

Pot, meet kettle. You can't tell Leslie Bennetts that something might be wrong with her book or the way she's presenting it either.

And yet many stay-at-home mothers seem unwilling to do so. In my interviews, most said they didn't want to think about the problems they might encounter in the future, let alone to do any contingency planning. When I asked about the dangers of economic dependency, they bristled and insisted that bad things would never happen to them, only to other people.

Again, I'd like to see the numbers on the population sample here. I'd also like to see the transcripts because I'm starting to think that Leslie has sought out people that supported her foregone conclusion.

Among full-time homemakers, this overdeveloped capacity for denial is often accompanied by a highly combative sense of indignation about views that challenge their own.

Again, pot meet kettle.

Publications whose readership includes a high proportion of working women have been very enthusiastic about covering my book. But other publications catering primarily to stay-at-home mothers are terrified of offending them, and any coverage has to be tailored to accommodate their sensitivities, real or imagined. "We don't want to upset the stay-at-home mommies," more than one editor told me in a patronizing tone of voice that suggested the conspiratorial whisper of adults who are trying not to wake the cranky children.

Let's see if we've got this straight: publications that cater to people who agreed with Leslie before she wrote her book are enthusiastic while anyone with another point of view is "terrified". Leslie clearly states here that she believes stay at home mothers imagine their sensitivities then calls the editor who rejects her "patronizing" and implies that stay at home mothers are "cranky children". Wow. Way to be appealing and win support for your point of view! Call any opposing view a name. Why didn't I think of that?

Yes, it's true that women who don't work are often so defensive about their choice that they've helped to create this regrettable climate.

Could it be that calling their choice a "regrettable climate" is what is putting them on the defensive?

..."chief household officers," in the self-congratulatory parlance of one magazine aimed at that constituency...

Again, I can't imagine why anyone would ever find Leslie's word choice to be offensive.

Maybe the stay-at-home moms will devour the information in The Feminine Mistake and debate my findings in their book clubs.

Book club? Who in the fuck has time for a book club? I barely find time to read a book that doesn't include illustrations or Dick and Jane. Devour the information? As if women around the nation should be perched on the edge of their seat wondering what nugget of truth Leslie Bennett may have shit out today.

So here's the down-n-dirty: Leslie Bennett comes off as a condescending arrogant douche bag with a hero complex. No one is going to want to read anything that's presented to them as a didactic diatribe on why they're wrong in everything they do and you're oh-so-very right no matter what. I'll put a quarter in the PayPal account. Someone please buy Leslie Bennett a clue.

Day Three

6:30am Awakened by DH to say goodbye. DH informs that Lamb is sleeping in, jinxes the deal. Lamb awakens as soon as DH closes the door. Feed Lamb while listening to local news on TV.

7:00am Lamb is asleep again. Put Lamb down, doze.

9:00am Lamb awakens, calls mommy to the land of the living. Marvel at being allowed to sleep so long. Feed Lamb. Distribute breakfast to Frog and Duck. Make some of the Boca Java coffee Diva supplied. Begin morning grooming.

9:30am Taste coffee. Fall in love. Decide to order own supply of coffee. Settle on one bag of Baby Boca Bananas Foster Float (2oz)and one bag Baby Boca Apple Gourmet in the U.S.A. (2oz), $2.25 each. Proceed to checkout, discover $10 discount before shipping. Upgrade order to full size (8oz) bag of each, pay only $2 plus shipping. Feel quite pleased with nabbing such a deal when 8oz of the same kind of coffee locally would easily run $20. Remember shopping moratorium, feel horrible.

10:00am Clear large section of island counter top to prepare roast for the crock pot. Find crock pot, add two gulgs of Abita Restoration Ale to bottom of pot. Feel fairly certain that the brewer did not have this application in mind during development. Add pork roast, inject pork roast with three quarters of a cup of Tony Chachere's Praline Honey Ham Marinade. Pour remaining quarter cup over top of roast, add enough beer to fill pot to top (half a bottle). Duck comes cuddling. Duck smells. Change Duck.

10:30am Lamb is hungry again. Feed Lamb. Lamb falls asleep. Put Lamb down for nap. Check Frog's training pants. Ask if she needs the potty. "No." Have discussion about big girls and potties. Frog's not buying it.

11:00am Duck begs for lap time as blog is updated. Realize this is just a ploy to reach items on top of desk. Thwart Duck's attempts at obtaining an ink pen. Duck toddles off to find other prey. Hear mail pass outside. Check mail. Discover late notice from electric company. Enter living room, hear Duck correctly identify mommy. All stress melts under unbearable cuteness. Tickle Duck til he shrieks with laughter. Remember electric notice. Check diaper bag. Find un-mailed electric check. Wallow in feeling like an idiot.

11:30am Attempt bills and budget again. Online banking is not cooperating. After several log-in attempts ending in blank pages, notice "msg=The%20system%20is%20currently%20unavailable." appended to the end of the resulting URL. Wonder who screwed up the error page code. Abandon attempts to enter checking information into Buddi and continue setting up budget information.

12:00pm Serve Frog and Duck lunch. Listen to Lamb play with discovering his voice. Begin sorting mountain of clothes in hopes of locating couch. Lamb demands food. Feed Lamb. Lamb falls asleep. Put Lamb down for nap.

12:30pm Frog and Duck finish lunch. Cleanup Duck, carry him to rocking chair. Rock Duck to sleep. Put Duck down for nap. Cleanup Frog, ask Frog to lie down and quietly watch Fraggles. Frog lies down, falls asleep. Cleanup lunch table. Marvel at momentary hat trick. Return to clothes. Sneak a look at Crazy Aunt Purl's latest blog posts, freshen coffee. Discover The Pissed Off Housewife on Technorati WTF. Skim and bookmark for later. Add Pissed Off to Google Reader.

1:30pm Hat Trick ends as Lamb wakes and coos. Sneak peek at sleeping Frog and Duck. Frog awakens when door opens, sleepily rolls over and clutches Blue while watching Fraggles. Return to mountain of clothes. Locate starch. Place near ironing board. Make mental note to remind DH that if dress shirts are hung upon exiting still-warm dryer, less ironing is required. Move ironing to bedroom for more space.

2:00pm Duck awakens. Frog comes to bedroom door and demands "get out daddy's room. change butt. stink." Diapers are exchanged all around. Snack is served. Contemplate boiling eggs to cut up over salad with supper. Contemplate also making cookie cake. Decide to do both if at least half of clothes are finished by 4:30pm. Cease ironing until Frog and Duck are safely to bed, away from scalding iron. Move on to sorting Frog and Duck's clothes.

3:00pm Continue to ferry baskets of clothes from couch to bedroom for sorting. Discover arm of couch. Confirm that couch is still blue. Freshen coffee. Realize coffee is the only thing consumed today. Debate additional food choices, find no interest in any of them. Sneak peek at co.comment for updates. Giggle at Jeff from Calgary's idea about covering CAP's Yelling Family with exploding dog poo.

3:30pm Open blinds to let in sunlight. Notice that trash STILL. Has. NOT. Been. Picked. Up. Contemplate calling Allied Waste and demanding to know what the hell I'm paying for besides shitty service. Fantasize about calling Joey Durel and demand to know what the hell he was thinking contracting all parish trash pickup to these losers. Realize Joey Durel was a miserable failure at running both his Arby's and pet shop. Decide that Joey Durel was not and is never thinking. Period. Lamb calls out. Satisfy Lamb's empty tummy and need for affection. Calm down by smelling Lamb's sweet baby scent on the top of his head.

4:00pm Notice that trash has finally been picked up, retrieve trash can from curb. Notice that bag of trash dropped in road by garbage men last week remains despite repeated calls of complaint. Get pissed. Call Allied Waste. Informed that truck will not return to pick up spilled trash. Get more pissed. Implications are made that I should pick up trash myself. See red. Inform customer service lady exactly which orifice she should remove her head from and demand to speak to supervisor. Supervisor tries to candy-coat implication. Inform supervisor of same orifice and add what he can place there once head is removed. Contemplate canceling service and carting trash bags to campus each day. Decide trash smell in the van is not desirable. Feel hopeless and railroad by lack of other options. Attempt to locate information on next parish presidential election. Consider working for challenger's campaign regardless of who runs. Decide anyone's better than Joey Durel. Comfort self by knitting one Sock Yarn Blankie square.

5:00pm Make discovery that lid has not been properly seated on crock pot this entire time. Roast is no where near done. Transfer roast to larger crock pot. See commercial for take out IHOP. Seriously consider ordering IHOP for supper.

6:00pm DH arrives home. Contemplate supper choices. See if Diva has a meat thermometer, feed Frog and Duck chicken nuggets for supper. Diva has thermometer. While checking meat temperature notice article in paper about Allied Waste complaints.

6:30pm Frog and Duck finish supper. Get into bedtime routine. Continue to enforce "pick-up, clean-up" as part of getting ready for bed. Check roast internal temperature. Holding steady at one hundred ninety degrees. Decide to give it one more hour for good measure.

7:00pm Frog and Duck are called for storytime. Story is read, song is sung, hugs and kisses delivered. Frog and Duck are tucked in, adults turn towards supper. Frog and Duck decide to manually override the in-bed imperative set out for them.

8:00pm Make open faced cuban sandwich from finished roast. Yell at Remind Duck to get back into bed. Savor Frog and Lamb sleeping. Settle in to watch House, Bones and American Idol with DH and enjoy food. Consider knitting more sock yarn scraps for Sock Yarn Blankie. DH starts House, catch sight of weasel growing on Sanjaya's face. Anticipate Hugh Laurie fix. Call it a day, publish blog.

Day Two

2:00am Awakened by unknown. Creep around house checking on Frog and Duck, check local TV station's website for the current radar display. Sky flashes outside just before radar loads to show a whole lot of green, a little yellow and a few specks of red. Realize what did the waking, return to bed.

5:30am Awakened by unknown. Follow high-pitched screechy sound to DH's computer. Shut down computer. Screechy sound continues. Pick up DH's cell phone, discover it is the source of the sound. Attempt to turn phone off. Phone continues to screech. Attempt to turn phone off. Phone continues to screech. Attempt to turn phone off. Phone stops screeching with no indication as to why it was screeching to begin with. Return to bed.

5:35am DH's cell phone begins to ring. Curse. Return to phone, find that the alarm has activated the ringer. Press cancel. Phone continues to ring. Attempt to turn phone off. Phone continues to ring. DH approaches to see what's going on. Hold up phone, say "See?". Phone stops ringing without explanation. Lamb begins screeching. Return to bed, feed Lamb, doze listening to the Weather Channel.

6:30am Awakened by DH to say goodbye. Lamb squirms and gets ready to fuss. Kiss DH, feed Lamb, continue listening to TV, doze a little.

7:30am Power goes out briefly. Frog and Duck definitely notice the lack of Blue's Clues. Frog gets over it and begins to play with toys. Duck decides that it's not worth being awake if there's no TV and returns to bed.

8:00am Feed Frog breakfast, contemplate coffee. Decide coffee is an excellent idea since creamer was both bought and discovered yesterday. Open brew basket to find that the last maker of coffee (DH) did not empty the grounds afterward. Wrinkle nose and toss grounds. Wash basket and pot. Lamb makes squirmy noises. Check on Lamb. Get interested in the news story on TV.

8:30am Remember Frog at table, remember coffee pot. Place frozen breakfast sandwich in microwave. Lamb makes more noise. Check on Lamb. Remember contact lenses and begin morning grooming. Contemplate shower. Decide to wait until the electricity flying around in the sky subsides before encasing self in oh-so-conductive water. Finish morning grooming.

9:00am Remember coffee pot. Remember breakfast sandwich. Start coffee pot. Contemplate waking Duck. Settle on finishing breakfast before picking that fight.

9:30am Lamb demands to join the rest of the family in the living room. Frog thoughtfully points out that Lamb is wearing pajamas. Continue breakfast. Duck awakens in a surprisingly fair mood, then realizes he was sleeping and becomes quite cranky about it. Move Duck to table, set out breakfast.

10:00am Weigh Lamb's crankiness against the weather's cold and wetness. Decide to try a few more things before resorting to car ride. Notice that the materials for three new houses in the neighborhood have arrived. Watch large trucks come insanely close to the Diva's car. Go back into the house to deal with Lamb. Read story about a bus-riding cat in England. Turn off Noggin, attempt to talk Frog and Duck into picking up the toys in Frog's room. They're not buying it.

10:30am Watch Lamb play in his bouncy and coo adorably for a few minutes. Contemplate taking some "me" time to puzzle out toe-up socks for Frog and Duck. Decide to stick to cleaning before the motivation is gone. Aim to complete Frog and Duck's rooms before Frog's speech therapy appointment. Take a few minutes to attempt wearing Lamb in his Maya Wrap. Find that he likes it until he starts to get warm. Abandon Maya Wrap to redress Duck.

11:00am Find parts to swing's mobile for Lamb. After 20 minutes of searching, realize that until it was needed, the rotating arm of the mobile was always underfoot. Arm is no where to be found. Continue trying to convince Frog and Duck to pick up their rooms. Have some success with Frog. Duck's still not following the party line. Notice new IM from DH. Learn what a pidgin is. Vacuum Duck's room. Use last of carpet powder. Rip off most of toenail and bloody up toe attempting to move Duck's bookcase to vacuum behind it. Decide it's a good time for a break. Contemplate short run to the store for more carpet powder and band-aids. Check weather. Note barely drizzling rain and creeping warmth. Cringe at inevitable mugginess, start gathering children to make store run. Feed Lamb before leaving.

11:30am Power blinks out briefly. Wait for it to come back, check to make sure "save as draft" was used recently. Finish feeding Lamb. Head to store. Contemplate this post that DH found about saving money by giving up TV. Decide I could live without the extra channels, but not the DVR. Admit my addiction to TV despite the one hundred fifty dollar a month bill (cable, DVR, telephone, and broadband bundle).

12:00pm Drive back from store. Get several stares and incredulous looks for wearing sunglasses in the pouring rain. Wonder how many people are aware that the polarized coating on some sunglasses will reduce the glare from the road spray, improving the driver's vision (not for everyone, not always safe, reader discretion is advised, YMMV). Sit in van and apply band-aid to bloody toenail while waiting for the rain to slack up. Oogle at how dark its gotten in just a few minutes. As soon as rain slacks, herd children into house and serve lunch.

12:30pm Remember that today is Tuesday and try to remember to keep an eye on the clock. Make mental note that the van must be on the road by 1:30pm in order to make Frog's speech therapy appointment on time. Shudder at thought of getting all three children to speech therapy office. Realize hunger, contemplate food choices. Frog and Duck finish lunch. Clean chocolate pudding from Duck's hands, face, shirt, neck, forehead and ears. Wonder what possessed mommy to give him such a messy item with his meal. Pick up lunch plates. Notice Frog has only eaten the "good parts", ie: the macaroni and pudding, from her meal. Send both Frog and Duck to continue cleaning Frog's room. Duck's still not getting with the program, start helping Frog pick up. Note time til speech therapy.

1:15pm Frog's room joins Duck's on the clean list. Duck celebrates the newly vacuumed floor by rolling on it like a cat in catnip. Frog celebrates by pulling several toys out of the overstuffed toybox. Mental note is made to sort through Frog and Duck's toys to see what can be gotten rid of, especially with Duck's birthday coming in a month. Begin packing diaper bag and selecting knitting project to take to speech therapy. Stop to referee a fight over whose milk is whose. Yell Talk about cups not leaving the dining table. Settle on sock scrap squares for the sock yarn blankie as the traveling knitting. Contemplate taking the Maya Wrap.

1:30pm Get ready to walk out the door, notice rain has started again. Wait a few minutes for rain to slack up. While waiting discover that the previously buried by clutter bag sent by my Knit Mitt Kit Swap partner is perfect for holding purse contents, diaper bag contents, Maya Wrap and knitting project while quite neatly hanging across the chest messenger style. Fall in love with bag for cutting an arm full of junk down to one easy to carry bag.

1:40pm Check to see if rain has eased. It has not. Decide to use the dreaded (broken) side door to exit house with least amount of exposure to rain. Gather jackets and children. Duck is vocal about his crankiness. Hope silently that he naps during the ride and that the rain stops before we get there. Leave for speech therapy.

1:55pm Turn on to Ambassador Caffery Spillway Parkway. Notice some sun trying to break through and remaining clouds swirling like rain bands off a hurricane. Think to self that this does not bode well for the upcoming hurricane season. Mentally try to calculate cost of purchasing enough plywood to secure all windows on the house before the season starts in seven weeks. Get headache. Drive through huge puddles, sending water splashing up as high as the top of the van, much to Frog's delight as she cries "All WET!" with each new plume.

2:10pm Arrive at speech therapy. Begrudgingly awaken Duck. Duck objects to being awake, quite vocally. While waiting for Frog to finish her session, get Lamb into his Maya Wrap where he snuggles in close and is quite happy until hunger sets in. Feed Lamb. Lamb falls asleep in Wrap. Duck continues to be vocal about his unhappiness.

3:00pm Frog emerges with sticker. Ask therapist about Duck's refusal to talk and constant humming. Therapist suggests getting pediatrician to refer for speech therapy evaluation. Duck punctuates discussion by humming loudly at mommy. Children are herded back to van.

3:15pm Frog falls asleep in backseat. Stomach growls and forgotten lunch is remembered. Checkers fries solve hunger and give Duck time to fall asleep again.

3:20pm Pass Doyce Langeaux's Store. Remember that today is the tenth. Continue to house, leave kids sleeping in van, run in and grab the water bill and checkbook. Return to Doyce Langeaux and pay water bill. Wonder if Calgon really can take me away.

3:50pm Arrive home, awaken Frog and Duck. Lure them into Frog's room with Blue's Clues. Begin working on bills and budget. Suddenly realize design project is due a week from Friday and *zero* work has been done on it. Return to bills and budget. Get headache. Call Frog and Duck to table for snacks.

4:25pm Take Lamb for new diaper, notice Duck's closet is horrendous. Realize that Crazy Aunt Purl isn't so crazy. Decide to impose own "shopping moratorium" until at least May 1, 2007, with the option to extend. Include birthday and anniversary exemptions in moratorium. Begin looking for suitable containers for collecting "de-clutter" items.

5:00pm Give up looking for containers. Call Duck over to fix his shirt. Notice poopy hands. Discover Duck's been exploring his diaper. Change Duck. Wash Duck's hands and change poopy clothes. Notice full hamper. Start Frog and Duck's clothes washing. Fantasize about a lost masseuse knocking on my door and exchanging a back massage for use of the phone.

5:30pm Stop de-clutter hunt to start supper. Realize tomorrow is trash day. Make mental note to ask DH to take trash to curb. Decide to try One-Pan Pasta and Meatballs from Betty Crocker's 4-Ingredient Dinners. Recipe claims to take 30 minutes. Omit disgusting olives, add frozen Creole seasoning in its place. Notice stove is covered in dirty dishes. Make mental note to ask DH to load dishwasher. Lamb becomes vocal about his empty tummy. Frog generously offers to feed Lamb and takes him his bottle. Seriously consider this a step towards her coping, think about re-starting her potty training in the morning.

6:00pm Check on far too quiet Duck. Notice the mess he's made of Frog's room. Decide to re-institute "pick-up clean-up" as part of nightly bedtime routine. Frog discovers jelly beans on the desk. "My Candies!" rings through the house. "Bye Bye Candies!" is met with a mournful "Nooooooooooo!" that sounds like someone just shot her best dog. Noggin on Demand comes to the rescue.

6:15pm DH arrives home, takes a look at Frog and Duck's room, "ooo"s excitedly at the smelly-good in the bedroom. Sees bloody toe, asks what happened. Tell him he can read about it later in blog post. Update post.

6:30pm Supper is served. Lack of hunger is noticed, sit at table with Frog and Duck anyway. Lamb lets loose a monster belch, then laughs and coos, quite pleased with himself. Attempt to eat some of supper, remembering studies that found kids who eat family dinners are less likely to become obese, develop eating disorders or develop diabetes.

7:00pm Supper finished. "Bathtime" is met with an emphatic "no". The threat to re-institute "pick-up clean-up" is carried out. Baths begin. Frog delights in splashing as much as humanly (or toddlerly) possible. Duck checks in on progress. Notes that Frog is indeed taking a bath. Duck attempts to brush his own teeth, succeeds in filling toothbrush with hair. DH feeds Lamb and attempts to lure Duck over. Duck's not cooperating.

7:30pm Storytime. Frog objects strongly. Both Frog and Duck get their story, song, hug and kiss. Call it a day, publish blog. Head over to talk to Diva for a bit.

Day One

5:30am Awakened by screaming Lamb as DH attempts to give a bottle containing no water, only powdered formula. Point to the bottle of water on the nightstand, roll over, go back to sleep.

6:30am Awakened to say goodbye to DH, Lamb laid in arms and bottle given. Listen to Frog and Duck play as Lamb eats.

7:30am Change and put Lamb down. Proceed to take care of daily needs, such as inserting contact lenses backwards. Curse. Reinsert contacts, finish morning grooming.

8:00am Release the hounds Call Frog and Duck to breakfast table, complete with cereal and juice. Realize we're out of milk. Curse. Let children eat dry cereal and watch Noggin. Contemplate making coffee. Realize we're also out of creamer. Curse. Check to see if Diva's home to lend some. She's not. Curse.

8:45am Frog and Duck finish food fight eating, lure them into their room with Blue's Clues DVD. Lamb screams from his bassinet. Pick up Lamb, pacify with swing.

9:00am Strip all the beds, place sheets in wash. Realize we're out of laundry detergent. Curse. Find old bottle of detergent left by parents two years ago, make due with that and start washer.

9:30am Lamb screams from swing. Prepare bottle to feed Lamb. Realize that this is the last of the formula. Curse. Feed Lamb.

10:00am Change all diapers and/or pull-ups. All three children have "presents" for mommy. Pull out Duck's last diaper. Curse. Change any clothing soaked with juice from breakfast, distribute socks and shoes. Attempt to locate purse, wallet, keys, grocery list, coupons and shoes.

10:30am Herd children towards the door to leave for store. Open door to frigid blast. Curse. Attempt to locate jackets while children scatter. Locate jackets, lure children back to living room with Noggin. Head to WalMart.

11:50am Leave WalMart. Drive thru at Starbucks and decide to try the Dulce de Leche Latte. Drive home in stunned and cautious silence as the kids allow mommy five seconds to enjoy coffee (perhaps they sense the better day they'll have afterwards?)

12:00pm Return home from WalMart. Unload children and groceries from van. Put frozen dinners in microwave for lunch. Take kid's clothes out of dryer, transfer sheets to dryer, shove and beg Frog's gastric-content decorated comforter into washer. Put groceries away. Find several cans of coffee cream at the back of pantry. Curse. Yell at Remind kids that the Playstation is not their toy. Wonder what I forgot.

12:30pm Remember frozen dinners in microwave. Call Frog and Duck to the table. Realize breakfast still needs to be cleaned up. Curse. Clean up breakfast, place lunch on table. Finish Latte while Frog and Duck eat. Lamb (thankfully) continues his nap he started on the way home.

12:45pm Realize mommy needs food too. Put frozen sandwich in microwave. Check washer and dryer. Return to living room and look woefully at the pile of clothes that used to be a couch.

1:00pm Begin cleaning up lunch. Realize the pile of goo next to Frog's chair is actually her diaper contents. Curse. Realize her chair is also full of diaper contents. Curse loudly. Wonder how exactly to go about cleaning said contents. Settle on a full bath. Take Frog to bath, realize Duck is still running loose and far too quiet. Hurry into living room just in time to see Duck dump the entire cup of Frog's milk on the floor. Quickly grab Duck before he can play in the now bigger mess, gate him into the bedroom area. Return to Frog's bath.

1:15pm Finish bath, return attention to the still-present mess in the dining room. Remove booster from chair, rinse with hose, marvel at self for buying a dishwasher safe booster long before owning an actual dishwasher, wonder what it would've been like if booster was not detachable. Head to hamper to dispose of towel used to clean the milk, poke head in on Frog and Duck. Find Duck mostly disrobed, attempting to change his own diaper. Change Duck's diaper. Redress Duck. Return to cleaning the area of spilled milk.

1:30pm Remember sandwich in microwave. Debate current hunger level against the sight of the diaper mess. Decide hunger is still there. Wash hands several times in scalding water. Apply alcohol-based hand sanitizer for good measure. Twice. Sit down to watch Knitty Gritty while eating. Marvel that Lamb is still napping in his car seat. Savor the 70 degree breeze coming through the now open windows and say a little thanks to the powers that be for the warm-up.

2:00pm Finish watching Knitty Gritty. Head to the master bath to begin cleaning while wondering if Easter egg dye would be suitable for hand-painting yarn. Decide to try it when (IF) the cleaning is finished. Realize this morning's plan to begin with the master bath and work forward starting at 9:00am has really gone to hell. Say another silent thanks to TPTB that Lamb is still napping. Poke head in on Frog and Duck. Wonder where Duck ran off to. Find Duck asleep under his bed. Decide to leave him there and spare the rest of us his cranky wrath. Begin cleaning master bath.

3:00pm Master and kids' bath are clean. Toxic diaper pail is taken to the outside trash can. Duck awakens cranky and hungry. Snack is served. Decide to wake Lamb and feed him before he discovers he's been sleeping and becomes cross about it.

3:40pm Finish feeding Lamb. Quickly place Lamb in swing and stop Duck's escape attempt. Drag Duck back in from the porch kicking and screaming.

4:00pm Gate Frog and Duck into the bedroom area. Check washer and dryer. Sheets still not dry.Remake master bed with spare sheets. Begin removing clutter from master bedroom.

5:00pm Finish master bedroom. Irritate everyone's coughs and allergies by vacuuming and dusting (yes, dusting. try not to faint). Contemplate supper. Decide today's accomplishments warrant a little laziness and settle on hotdogs with pre-packaged salad. Lamb takes this decision as a cue to become very vocal about his empty tummy.

5:40pm Finish feeding Lamb. Start cooking supper. Check dryer. Sheets still wet. Start dryer again, checking outside vent for blockage and lint filter. Sneak a peek at the master bedroom and bath, taking a moment to soak in the cleanness.

6:00pm DH arrives home and saves himself from several weeks of misery by supplying the appropriate response of "wow" upon seeing the bedroom and bathrooms. Bonus points awarded for taking Lamb without complaint. Supper is ready to serve. Frog and Duck are called to the table and are seated after chasing each other around the table.

6:10pm UPS arrives with Lamb's Maya Wrap. Package is immediately ripped open for an impromptu fashion show.

6:15pm Lamb decides he's quite done with mommy's silliness and gets vocal about his hunger.

6:45pm Frog and Duck finish supper and run off to their room. Attempts are made to locate pajamas in the immense pile of clothes on the couch. Duck objects to the word "bedtime".

7:15pm Frog and Duck are in bed. Settling in with a nice Abita Resoration Ale and some very well earned knitting in front of the TV.

Blame the Parents: Junior needs a Spanking

Have you seen the current whirlwind over at Creating Passionate Users? Kathy Sierra writes CPU and I drop in from time to time since 1) it's a girl writing about tech and 2) it's interesting, well written and entertaining. Yesterday's post, however, is not entertaining or interesting. It's horrifying.

Kathy writes:

"I have canceled all speaking engagements.

I am afraid to leave my yard.

I will never feel the same. I will never be the same."

If you've ever been a frequenter of any forum, you've undoubtedly come across a troll or two. Most of the time these trolls are harmless, flinging about rude names at random posters and offering anything but intelligent discussion, usually in anonymity. The things that have been posted about and toward Kathy run so far out of the realm of trolling that I cannot find an internet epithet capable of describing it, so I'll have to use one from the real world: criminal assault. If you really need the gorier details of what was said and done, please follow the link at the beginning of this post.

After reading the post myself, my immediate impression of the person(s) responsible is that this is a boy, somewhere in his teens or early twenties. Why? Probably because I watch far too many crime dramas on television, but also because I've been out there on boards, watching and reading. The fastest way to get the shit-pot stirred is to let a bored thirteen year old boy loose with a computer and an internet connection. I've also been to college, where bored, immature boys abound, only now they have their own apartments or dorm rooms to hide in while they make these absurd posts.

My question is: where are the parents?

First and foremost: why didn't they raise their child with enough morality to feel too guilty to even think about such posts, much less actually committing them to written form? I've thought about quite rudely telling someone what a waste of space they were for no other reason than they wrote something that pissed me off, but I've never actually done it because that's just insane, immature and stupid. I'd feel guilty about being such a twit. Why? Well, that would be due to the fact that my parents taught me that you don't attack people for no good reason: verbally, physically, or emotionally.

Secondly, if they did try to raise their child with some sense of morality, why didn't they notice that it didn't take? Seriously. At some point, someone that disturbed had to be pulling the wings off of flies, shaving the neighbor's cat, pushing smaller kids off their bicycles, or punching their sister. I know that parents can't be omnipotent gods in their child's world, I have three children of my own to teach me that, but there are signs, indicators, that should tell you something is not quite getting through to that child.

Finally, if they did notice, why didn't they do something? Again, parent's can't be over the shoulders of their children 24/7, but if there was an indication that their child was even having thoughts or inclinations in the general direction of where the posts about Kathy have gone, why didn't the parents discuss it/take away the computer/send him to a therapist?

Ten to one, when the police investigation is over and all of this breaks, the offender(s) will be some white middle-class suburban sixteen year-old numbnut who was getting a huge laugh out of it with his dumbass buddies right up until the cops showed up on his doorstep and his clueless parents will be standing on the lawn weeping and wringing their hands crying "But he was such a GOOD boy!"

Here's my list of parental "TO DO" list:
1) teach your children to respect themselves
2) teach your children to respect others
3) teach your children to respect property, theirs or someone else's
4) teach your children responsibility for their actions
5) teach your children that it is not bad to fail, only to never try or never try again
6) TAKE SOME FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR NOT TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN THESE THINGS
7) be INVOLVED in your children's lives

<rant>

Personally, if I catch one of my children committing an act of disrespect, and I know that I've taught them otherwise, I WILL be handing out a whipping. Scream abuse all you want, but I've never met a kid who didn't understand and fear the gravity of a good old fashioned "cut me a switch" ass whipping. I've also never met a kid who received one of these whippings that ever repeated the offending act. Screw "time-out". "Time-out" + willful child + parent too scared to whip = "Go ahead. Tell my mommy, she won't do nothing!" Now, that doesn't mean skip "time-out". Try it, if it works, congratulations, use it as long as it works. When/If it fails to produce results, whip that ass.

Then there's also the fact that my kids are going to hate me for "invading their privacy" and "ruining their life". Privacy is for the bathroom until I know I can trust you with your own decisions. If I can trust my kids at the age of 8, then wonderful! I'll be letting them do some things on their own. If can't trust my kids until they're 42, then I'll be up their ass with my nose square in their business until then. Regardless of either situation, I WILL be monitoring what they do on and offline to the best of my ability.

Parents need to quit being scared of their kids, and they need to quit looking for someone else to blame when either party fucks up. THEY ARE THE KID, YOU ARE THE PARENT! FUCKING ACT LIKE IT!

</rant>